I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROGUE SQUADRON
An Epic Parody
Written and submitted by Cynthia Howe
C) 1997, by Cynthia Howe, All Rights Reserved

Rubbing his soul in half, he came unto me and said,
'Prepare ye your men this day; we shall take the
Alliance by farce'. I curtly replied, abraiding my
hair round my head, 'Sir, I never promised you
a Rogue Squadron!' 'DOIT!' the loud vocals
monocinebackly rang.
 

Part I 

I found a fellow twice my age.
There he was, betwixt a page
Of a scene with many people in it.
He complied happily as he scribbled at various sources,
Which ran a queue that split a room in half.
I say it was quite long --
Most fellas trodded on space where they did not belong.
I finally found it unwise to intrude,
Yet my heart, soul, and mind thought the thoughts,
Quite rude.
Loving you was all I wanted -
You looked, ahead, and leaped your heart out with a sigh;
I wore then, a skirt, flirtfully thigh-high.
When most of the idiots were gorn,
I struck an aim at your direction.
You looked at me, laughed,
And snuck me thru past detection.
 

Part II 

Hardly aboard your ship, you entered the coordinates,
And flew right by everyone in a slip.
A wand was upon ye,
One that thankfully arose,
But nay suspicion eroded our surrounding halls.
We loved one another as I never thought begotten
For none to see.
It was so enriching,
As you parted the masses with your bare hands.
Other ships were in our sector,
We gave away free lands --
To those who'd knock off and leave us alone.
You were a bad boy then,
But you thrilled me to no end.
Your shuttle screamed with delight,
The barkeep ducked out of sight;
For when the sabres drew,
A fight was to be had, as everyone flew
Over the barstools and into a heap.
That green fella tried to take you away before,
To a palace down the street.
It was a slimy way to go,
As the ticklish tentacle reached its peak
(Wherein the victim was surely doomed: uh-oh.)
 

Part III 

'Amast! Amast!' cried the lone admiral,
Aboard his Lazy Starcruiser......
'Amast! Amast!', I cried against a shield,
As I gathered down the pole;
Its seething wetness protruded down the hole.
'Again, again', I barked outloud -
Finding my space crammed among two particles.
'You cannot see the flight between us', you confessed to me,
'Alas, we are all on the bridge.'
You thought again and the bridge was creaky;
One wrong move, life there will be freaking
Out and down, only saved when the victim's had read
Most of the dawn......
The Lazy Starcruiser gained pace beside our ship.
The lone admiral, promoted from death, studied it and commented,
'I never promised you a Rogue Squadron -
But I've got their main ship. On viewscreen.'
The lone admiral walked down the hall,
His master called out, 'Is that all?'
He answered, 'yes and their ship is there.
I'll go to my room now, for none to share.'
And off he did, as the Lazy Starcruiser
Rocked back and fro by its epicenter.....
 

Part IV 

A meteor split in half and inside its creamy nougat filling
Was another trajectory that schoolbussed its way
Unto the other ship's scanners.
'We're being followed', you said,
Thinking that we've finally made it out of the fiery crash.
The new scout ship sighted us aboard,
Trapping us in his beam, and lured us unto his ship, but he.
The newer fella looked at me, soul me,
And wished himself upon me;
As he sped away, hyperactively, with me.
You were soul, once more;
Alone to face another signature-seeking-mob-who-couldn't-care-
Less-about-you-save-me......
And I sped with someone else,
'Cross the childish, foureyed galaxy.
The lone admiral felt abashed at what he did,
And thru his force, from the master,
He fell into a pulp,
A pulp with no lid.......
And as another epitaph passed on amongst the soul you,
Alas, this taildom comes to an end, sans the many few.