TOP 14 REASONS GRAND ADMIRAL HAYDEN DOESN'T UPDATE THE SITE
Written and submitted by Angie Cheng

14. His computer is made out of unfixable Millenium Falcon hyperdrive parts.

13. His mom called him "Scottypoo" at his high school graduation and he has been hiding from the public in a bomb shelter since. He has to sneak out in the middle of the night to access his Falcon computer.

12. He's allergic to Cynthia Howe's pink bunny slippers.

11. Sean Walsh stole his girlfriend.

10. He got a XP-38 for his 16th birthday, and he's still trying to figure out how it works.

9. He was too busy rigging the T-shirt voting machine.

8. He was too busy tracking down his geneological charts after someone suggested that he looked a little like Tom Hanks.

7. "I didn't update for a while," he types, "So shoot me." And all the Cult members obey like good little soldiers.

6. Too much university work. And yet he never mentions what university he goes to. ("Holy mother of Yavin! Cadet Hayden, why are you on the Imperial holonet at 3 A.M?" "Too much coffee, sir!")

5. His parents won't send him any more domain name money after he invested their life savings in the Ewok Electric Toothbrush.

4. His roomate just came out of the closet. Literally. ("Big mothballs in there, eh, Scott?")

3. More roomate troubles. ("Hey, Scott, is this your underwear?")

2. Hey, if you had to pay $200 per month for your own domain, you wouldn't have that much laundry money either.....

And drumroll please................ (budumbudumbudumbudum..)

1. Cuz he doesn't feel like it.