STAR WARS Vs. TITANIC 2.5 & 3
Written and submitted by Sean Walsh

The place: Skywalker Ranch.
The year is 1998...A.D.

[Nighttime. Dark. Quiet. A little too quiet, even for a place out in the middle of the woods.]
[Imperial stormtroopers and Rebel troops walk the grassy fields, biker scouts comb the area searching for the occassional obsessed fan who's trying to get an autograph or a piece of memorabilia, and AT-ATs roam the area providing defense from the occassional terrorists who sometimes try to bomb the home of the great American hero George Lucas (hey, that's what they think...)]
[In one of many guard towers, near the entrance of the estate, two stormtroopers sit back in their comfy chairs and share a conversation.]
Al: So, you watch 'Deep Space Nine' last night?
Barney: 'Deep Space Nine?' Gah! I'd rather eat another man's puke than watch that crap.
Al: Hey come on now! That's the only Star Trek show I've ever really watched.
Barney: Shows what kind of taste you've got.
Al: Quit it!
Barney: Alright, alright. I'll...
Al: What is--
Barney: Wait...what's that?
Al: Huh?
Barney: Listen...
[In the distance ahead of them, muffled voices, many of them, emerge. They grow louder, and far ahead, several lights can be seen, slowly moving towards the entrance to Skywalker Ranch.]
Barney: Fans? At this time of night?
Al: They sound pretty mad. Probably still pissed over the name of Episode 1.
Barney: Balance of the Force?
Al: You putz! That is not the name of the movie.
Barney: We'll see...
Al: Whatever. Hey, look at that!
[Several people emerge from the darkness, and can be seen quite clearly: a horde of young girls, wielding torchs and pitchforks.]
Barney: Cool! Chicks!
Al: That's odd. Why would they be here?
Barney: Whaddaya mean?
Al: Well, Star Wars has never really been a "chick thing..."
Barney: Maybe they've finally seen what's so great about it all.
Al: I doubt it. Only a select few girls get it. They're the cool ones. These girls look too...media influenced. The kind who'd flock to a movie just to see the hot and often untalented stud.
[As Al grabs a Fresca from the cooler beside his chair, a Rebel trooper climbs up the tower ladder and jumps into the watchguard area.]
Barney: Hey Pete, what's up?
Pete: Dudes, check out NBC.
Al [looks at watch]: Oh man, we're missing 'Caroline in the City!'
[Al grabs his portable TV from beside his chair, puts it up on the counter in front of him, and switchs it on, clicking the stations to NBC, where Brian Williams is sitting behind the anchor desk.]
Barney: Oh it can't be that important. It's only Brian Williams...
Pete: Shhh! Listen.
[Pete turns the volume up.]
Brian Williams: And to recap what we just presented: acclaimed filmmaker James Cameron, the man who made Titanic and who stole the idea of Terminator from renowned writer Harlan Ellison...what? Oh, sorry, forget that last part. Anywho, Mr. Cameron, along with Ah-nald...Arnold Schwartzenagger [to person off-screen] Is that spelled right? [back to camera] Sorry. Again, he has just held a press conference at Fox Studios in Hollywood making some startling and truly horrifying statements concerning acclaimed filmmaker and all around great guy George Lucas. We're now going to reshow that conference in its entirety. [pause] Okay, we're just going to show the most important parts, as our technical crew has managed to screw up most of the taped footage... [to person off-screen] Great job, dickheads. What is this, ABC?
[Al, Barney and Pete remain silent, as a taped conference begins to play. Cameron is standing behind a podium, with Ah-nald standing beside him.]
James Cameron: I was held hostage by George Lucas for a number of weeks, where I was maltreated by what appeared to be people dressed as characters from Star Wars. I was finally rescued by my good friend Arnold here, and together we successfully fled Lucas' compound and made our way back here to L.A. I will now take questions.
[The crowd of reporters begins shouting questions. Cameron points at one reporter.]
Reporter 1: Mr. Cameron, did you happen to see any footage from the new prequels or the trailer?
Cameron: Next question.
Reporter B: Mr. Cameron, which outfit was Princess Leia wearing? The traditional white garb with no bra? Perhaps her Bespin outfit?
Cameron: Next!
Reporter 5: Does George Lucas wear boxers or briefs?
Cameron: GOD DAMMIT, ENOUGH ALREADY!!! What kind of questions are these?
Reporter 28: Hey, we need to sell papers here!
Reporter XXX: Yeah! This kind of crap won't make any sort of respectible news report at all!
Reporter &: Hey, the people at Hard Copy resent that remark!
Reporter HTML: So do the people at Entertainment Tonight, you bastard!
Cameron: If you want to know how severe this is, ask Leonardo DiCaprio.
Reporters too numerous to give kooky names to: Leo? Leo? What's that about Leo? Our hero! Leo? What happened to Leo? Leo?!
Reporter 777: What can Leo say about this?
Cameron: That's the point: nothing. Because he's DEAD!
Reporters: Oh my word! Aahhh! Sweet merciful crap!! Not Leo? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Son of a bitch! There is no God!
Reporter SNL: Wait...you're saying George Lucas, or one of his costume-clad flunkies, killed Leonardo DiCaprio?!
Cameron: Precisely.
Reporters: Oh my word! Aahhh! Sweet merciful crap!! Not Leo? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Son of a bitch! There is no God!
[The reporters all leave the room, waving their fists and yelling cries of death on George Lucas and his followers. Al switchs the TV off, and all stand stunned.]
Pete: I expect the backlash to start soon, guys. Let's get going. [Al and Barney look at the crowd closing in.]
Al and Barney: Oh no...
Pete: Huh?
Al: The girls outside...talentless hunks...
Barney: Leo dead...chick magnet...
Both: OH NO!!!
[As they say this, the tower rocks, as if hit by a large object. Pete stumbles back and falls out of the guard area to his death far below. Al and Barney cling to each other, as the tower rocks from more hits. Finally, the tower's foundation breaks, and the towers crumples to the ground.]
Al and Barney: AAAHHHH!!!!!
[The towers hits the ground, shattering into thousands of pieces. Al and Barney hit the ground and bounce unitl they lie flat on their backs. Al attempts to sit up, and sees the hordes of young girls running towards them.]
Al: Oh fer Chrissakes, we just got hired. We just got hired...!!!
[The girls gather over them and beat them to death with fists, kicks and other objects that'd heard alot if ou were hit with them. The crowds grow in number, and begin to overtake the entire Skywalker Ranch compound. Biker scouts are knocked off their speeder bikes with rocks, Ewoks are mercilessly booted around like soccer balls, and troopers galore are pounced on and beaten down bloody by infuriated teens.]
[Inside the main Skywalker Ranch building, George Lucas is overseeing the installation of his new entertainment center. Several Star Wars people, like Luke, Leia, Vader, Han and Chewbacca, are carrying the entire center around, while George tries to figure out where it should go exactly.]
Lucas: A little more to the left...no right...no, wait...left...a little more...more...more...no too much, back a little...more, a little more to the right...more...more...
Luke: M-master...this hurts.
Vader: Oh...quit complaining, son. This'll...be over soon enough...
Lucas: A little more to the left there. Come on Han, let's go.
Han: Heart...stopping. Need to...collapse...
Lucas: Oh, what's a little heart attack going to do to you?
Han: Aaa...gah!
[Han collapses, and the balance being maintained is lost. The people carrying the entertainment center lose their grip, and the center begins to fall to the ground. Lando enters the room, with an urgent message.]
Lando: Master, you've gotta see...GAAAAHHHH!!!!
[The center falls on the poor baron-administrator, and the room shakes as he is crushed.]
Luke: Oh no!!!
Leia: How inhuman!
Vader: Terrible! Just terrible!
Lucas: By the gods...do you know how much that thing cost?!?!
Luke: What a waste!
Leia: Such a sophisticated piece of technology!
Vader: A blow to mankind!
Lucas: Oh...someone get maintenance in here and get this cleaned up! Well, I'll just buy another one. With all the money I have, I could afford a few more--
[The entire building shakes.]
Lucas: What the bloody blue blazes was that?!
Vader: Got me!
[Admiral Piett and Wedge Antilles enter the room]
Piett: Master! Outside!
Wedge: We've been overrun! By children!
Lucas: WHAT?!
[Lucas runs to the window, followed by his minions. They all gasp at the chaos they see: hundreds, nearly thousands, of bloodthirsty young girls destroying the protective forces of Skywalker Ranch.]
Lucas: What the hell's all this?!
Piett: It's Cameron, sire. He had a press conference. Told the world everything.
Lucas: So? Why would the media give a rat's ass about that?
Wedge: He told them we killed Leo DiCaprio.
Lucas: Oh.
Luke: I told you it'd come back to haunt you.
Piett: Shut up.
Lucas: We must fight them to the death. Surrender or retreat is not an option.
[An explosion. Admiral Motti runs in.]
Admiral Motti: My lord, they've broken into the building!
Lucas: I'm gone. Later! [Lucas high-tails it out of the room to his private shuttle.]
Vader: M-master! [Vader follows in hot pursuit.]
Luke and Leia: Dad!!!
Han: Help...me...still near...death over...here.
Leia: Wait, we have to get Han out of here.
Luke: What? He's as good as dead.
Han: Little...bastard. You'll pay for...that...
Luke: Please. I'm out of here. See ya, sis! [Luke runs out.]
Leia: Chewie! Get Han and let's scram!
[Chewie growls, picks up his fallen friend, and they run.]
Wedge: We've gotta run too, Piett. Somebody's gonna have to marshal forces to fight these people.
Piett: Right. Let's go, poncho!
[Piett grabs Wedge's arm and they escape too.]
Admiral Motti: Hey! What about me?! Guys! Guys!!!
[A group of girls enter the room and run at Motti, who merely screams like a child at his emminent death.]

*to be continued*

****************************************************************

Star Wars vs. Titanic 3

[A cool and sunny day on Long Island, NY, at the estate of acclaimed filmmaker Steven Spielberg. He and wife Kate Capshaw stand outside, looking into the distant skies.]
Kate Capshaw: I can't understand why you're doing this, Steven.
Steven Spielberg: He's my friend, Kate. The only one who'll help him at a time like this.
Capshaw: But all those things Cameron said about him. Can you still trust him?
Spielberg: Trust him? The man made Star Wars! Of course I can!
[Capshaw sighs. A horn blows in the distance, and they both look up as an object, unlike any other, appears, getting closer to them. Spielberg shields his eyes from the sun, watching the object approach. In moments, it can be seen more clearly: an Imperial shuttle, floating through the sky, heading right towards them.]
Capshaw: What the--?!
Spielberg: That sure is something, huh? Wish I could travel around in one of those.
Capshaw: Well you've got that helicopter from the first Jurassic Park.
Spielberg: Yeah, but that's just a helicopter. This thing is different.
I don't have the cahonies to fly around in something that sweet.
Capshaw: But you do have the brains that tell you not to.
Spielberg [grinning]: Shut up dear. Just smile. Don't wanna make him think we've got a problem with this...right?
Capshaw: Oh fine. [She smiles] That better?
Spielberg: Great. Just great.
[The 2 smile, and continue looking up, as the Imperial shuttle makes its way down. The landing gear extends and the shuttle smoothly touchs down. Spielberg and Capshaw wait as the ramp opens, revealing the dark, and quiet, interior. They wait some more...and wait...and wait...and wait. Finally, some rustling sounds out from within, followed by some clangs and thuds.
Voice 1: GAH!!!! Hey, watch it!!
Voice 2: Hey quit it! Quit it!!
Voice 1: Get it off of me!
Voice 2: There! Sorry master! Sorry!
[Out of the shuttle first stumbles George Lucas, holding his lower back. Darth Vader follows in his master's footsteps.]
Darth Vader: Master, I swear! That Death Star droid should have known which 'rear hatch' to attend to! Honest!
George Lucas: Never mind, never mind!
Spielberg: Hello George.
Lucas: Ah! Hello Steven, old friend. [George shakes Steven's hand firmly] How's the family? Business? The Oscar?
Spielberg: It's still got my name engraved on it, George.
Lucas: You branded your family?
Spielberg: No! The Oscar!
Lucas: Oh...right. Well someday, Steven. Someday...it will be mine.
Spielberg: You mean 'one,' George. Right? Someday you'll have *one*?
Lucas: Yes...yes. That's it.
Spielberg: A...ha. Hello Darth. [They shake hands]
Vader: Hello Mr. Spielberg. Mrs. Spielberg. [He bows]
Capshaw: It's 'Capshaw.'
Vader: [pauses, then turns to Steven]: You changed your name?
Spielberg: No. She just uses 'Capshaw.'
Vader: O...kay. [pauses again, turns to Capshaw] But technically you're still "Mrs. Spielberg," right?
Capshaw: Yes...
Vader: Good. Mind getting me a cup of coffee.
Capshaw: What?!?!
Spielberg: Darth, please. That's rude.
Capshaw: You're damn right it is!
Spielberg: Yes...you should've asked the two of us if we wanted some too.
Lucas: Yeah.
Capshaw: WHAT?!?!
Vader: You want some coffee too?
Spielberg: Yes please.
Lucas: Decaf, if you will.
Vader: Right. That'll be 3 coffees please. One decaf.
Capshaw: Fuck this, I'm gone. [She leaves]
Lucas: What's up with her?
Spielberg: Beats me. Probably has a case of that "haven't been in a big movie for a long time and it's starting to affect my way of life"-itis that's been going around lately.
Vader: Ah yes. HBINBMFALTAISTAMWOLitis. I remember those days. But I'm coming back!
Spielberg: Well...
Vader: Yeah, I know. As a punk kid.
Spielberg: The same punk kid who was in that Christmas movie with
Ah-nald Sch...
Lucas: Don't say that name!!
Spielberg: Oh. Yeah. Sorry George.
Lucas: That's alright, Steve.
Spielberg: So what exactly did he do?
Lucas: Well, he broke into my ranch, beat up a bunch of stormtroopers...
Vader: And Lando.
Lucas: Huh? He did??
Vader: Yup. Nearly broke his arms and legs, he did.
Lucas: Really.
Vader: Yeah. I found out about it like a week ago or so myself.
Lucas: Huh. [pause] Can't see how we could've missed that when it happened.
Spielberg: So about Ah-nald...
Lucas: Oh right. So he does damage to my house, grabs Cameron and takes off.
Spielberg [sarcastically]: Geez, you'd think he was on some noble rescue mission, from the sounds of it.
Lucas: Ha ha, Steve. You know Cameron had it coming.
Spielberg: True. But I doubt you've had your fun already.
Lucas: Oh, I haven't, alright. Right now, my people are working on my revenge...the grandest revenge ever plotted. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Vader: Hey guys. I don't think Mrs. Spielberg's coming back with our coffees any time soon.
---
[In a van parked outside the Fox Studios in Hollywood, or wherever, these very schemers are secretly plotting Lucas' grand revenge. Jammed in the black van, surrounded by surveillance equipment and computer, are Wedge Antilles and Admiral Piett]
Admiral Piett [hanging up phone]: Sweet...
Wedge Antilles: What is it?
Piett: I got those South Park guys in on the deal.
Wedge: Kick ass! So that's how many now?
Piett: Well, let's see: Francis Ford Coppola, Ron Howard and his brother Clint, Trey Parker and Matt Stone...that's 5. And that's not counting all the surviving Star Warsies and all the Muppets.
Wedge: Muppet Show *and* Sesame Street.
Piett: Yup.
Wedge: Right on. [pauses, turning to his fax machine] And you can count Marlon Brando in too. He just faxed his 'yes.'
[Wedge takes the fax out for Piett to read, which he takes and peruses]
Piett: Say...what's this blotch on the paper here?
Wedge: I dunno...[takes fax and looks at it closely] Looks like some food stain or something.
Piett: We're gonna need some heavy transport to bring his ass over here, you know.
Wedge: Or a sail barge.
Piett: Will that be enough?
Wedge: It supported Jabba.
Piett: Yeah, but this is Brando.
Wedge: Hey, don't diss a Hollywood legend.
Piett: Sorry. [Piett notices a idle computer silently downloading something] Hey, what's that computer doing?
Wedge: Huh? Oh...it's just downloading the Phantom Menace trailer.
Piett: Why? Didn't you tape it off Entertainment Tonight like almost everyone on Earth did?
Wedge: I'm gonna post it on my website.
Piett: Oh please! Who's going to wanna download it off of 'Wedge Central??'
Wedge: You never know until you try.
Piett: Come on. Besides, you know that movie's gonna suck.
Wedge: W-w-what?!?! How the hell can you say that??
Piett: Well, neither of us is in it. Me, who was the only Imperial officer to make it into 2 movies, and you, who was the main supporting cast member to make it in all 3.
Wedge [pause]: That is true. But my nephew is in it.
Piett: What nephew?
Wedge: Ewan McGregor.
Piett: Your nephew is Ewan McGregor. I thought Denis Lawson's nephew was Ewan McGregor?
Wedge: Um...yeah. His too.
Piett [staring at Wedge for a moment]: You know, now that you say that, you do look a lot like Denis Lawson. You a twin brother or something?
Wedge: Y...eah...something like that.
Piett: Cool. Must be pretty rad to be related to a big star like Denis Lawson.
Wedge: Oh shut up already, Piett.
Piett: Gee gosh, how did you see right through my little facade?
Wedge: You're not exactly a master of subtlety now.
Piett: I try my best.
Wedge: As Yoda said, "Do or do not. There is no try."
Piett: Oh yeah? Well...as Yoda also said, "Shut you bitch ass up, whore."
Wedge: Yoda never said that!
Piett: We got him drunk last New Year's. You should've been there.
Wedge: I was there. He wasn't even there at all.
Piett: Really? I could've swore...
Wedge: Little facade fails again.
Piett: But...I...oh...shut your bitch ass up, whore.
---
[Back to Steven Spielberg's house, where he, Lucas and Vader are sitting on the couch with hot cups of coffee in hand, watching TV]
Spielberg: I'm telling you, Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain sucks major ass.
Lucas: No need telling us. I've never watched that stupid show since that broad was put on.
Vader: Hey, don't you produce that show?
Spielberg: I think so. Hey, I should do something about that.
Lucas: But not now. Gotta get the TV to MSNBC. What channel is it?
Spielberg: Got me. Wish the kids were here. They'd know by heart.
Lucas: Yeah. Too bad Kate took them with her to her mom's place.
Spielberg: You hear that, Vader. Showing them your lightsaber and then chopping up all of Kate's stuff "accidentally" really screwed things up.
Vader: That's why she left? Huh, I thought it was over the coffee thing.
Spielberg: She might not be totally perfect, but she's smart to leave over more important things, like the destruction of her belongings, than over a dispute over coffee-making.
Lucas: There. I found it, guys. Sit on down.
Vader: Oooh...and just in time too.
[A graphic appears on the screen. Accompanied by the music from 'Jaws,' a boat flying through the air makes its way across the screen, with the text scrolling below it says 'The Flying Boat.']
Spielberg: Oh man...there's ruining the 'Jaws' music on a stupid news graphic?!
Brian Williams: Hello and welcome to this special news report. Just moments ago, this amazing sight was recorded by news cameras at Rockefeller Center here in New York City. What you are seeing is a series of unidentified aircraft carrying what appears to be the hull of a giant ocean liner over the city of New York. Where it is being taken: who knows. What those aircraft are: again, who knows. Why we don't know: hey, we're human, okay? But what we can tell you is that the US Air Force has been alerted to this event and are ready to deal with whatever this really is. But right now, we're going to turn our attention away to a man who's been quite newsworthy for some time now. Over the last few days director James Cameron...
James Cameron: Oscar-winning and acclaimed director, please.
Brian Williams: Right...over the last few days Oscar-winning and acclaimed director James Cameron has been the center of attention for his comments against acclaimed filmmaker George Lucas. Mr. Cameron, welcome to the studio.
Cameron: Thank you for having me here, Brian. I'm sure this'll get MSNBC some much needed ratings.
Brian Williams: Whatever. Anyway, Mr. Cameron, my first question is...[holds earpiece] What's that? Ladies and gentlemen...I'm being told that there has been a development in the 'Flying Boat' story.
[Again, the flying boat graphic with 'Jaws' music appears, then returns to Brian Williams]
Brian Williams: Apparently...and this is most convenient with Mr. Cameron seated right beside me...the piece of the ocean liner being carried by aircraft over New York City...has been identified as a
piece...of the Titanic.
Cameron: WHAT?!?!?!?!
[At Spielberg's house, Lucas grins, as Spielberg and Vader look at him suspiciously]
Brian Williams: We're still trying to get an official confirmation of this newsbite, but as you can see on the front of the boat...can we get a shot of that? There it is...right on the front of the boat are the words 'Titanic.' And we're also getting a report of the identification of one of the aircraft carrying the piece of the Titanic. Again, and this is unconfirmed, the head craft carrying the boat chunk has been prematurely identified as...the Slave...One?
Cameron: SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
Brian Williams: Yes, that's it. It's the Slave I. Sci-fi buffs will know that the Slave I is the spacecraft of the intergalactic bounty hunter Boba Fett. We will try to give you a definitive confirmation on that. [he turns to Cameron] I'd say, Mr. Cameron, that George Lucas is still alive and plotting something crazy against you.
Cameron: Lucas!! You son of a bitch!! I'll get you for this! You're defiling a tragic piece of history, you piece of crap!
[At Spielberg's house:]
Spielberg: Well...I didn't expect this.
Lucas: Hold on tight, Steve. It's about to get even better.
[Lucas stands up and takes his out of his coat pocket. He dials a number and waits for a response.]
Lucas: Hello...that you, Zuckuss? Get me Fett. [pause, as he hums] Fett? Yes, it's me. How's it holding up? Uh-huh. Right. Good, very good. Listen: call the others, and tell them to drop it. Yup. Right on the building below. [pause] Good. And tell them all to rendezvous with you at Spielberg's place. The party's about to begin. Right. Later.
[He hangs up, and sits back down between Spielberg and Vader. He goes to speak, but...]
Spielberg: Don't...even tell me. I think I got it.
Vader: Want me to break some snacks out for the guys?
Lucas: Sure.
[Vader pops up and runs to the kitchen]
Spielberg: Uh-oh, check this out.
Lucas: Huh?
Brian Williams: And joining us now in studio is...Lando Calrissian, baron-administrator of Cloud City. Mr. Calrissian, welcome.
Lando [with arm in sling and leg in brace]: Hello Mr. Williams.
Brian Williams: Mr. Calrissian, you're a confidente of George Lucas. What can you tell us about his side of Mr. Cameron's story?
Lando: Well I don't know much about Mast...Mr. Lucas' side of the story, as he never really talks to me all that much. I mean, just the other day, I was released from intensive care, and no one was even there to meet me. Then -
Brian Williams: Yeah, yeah...it appears that you've got nothing much to contribute. Now Mr. Cameron, what do you plan to do to, dare I say, retaliate against what George Lucas has done?
Cameron: Well Brian, I can say this. George, you're going to pay. With your life, if need be.
Brian Williams: Mr. Cameron, you can't possibly...
Cameron: Shut up, Brokaw wannabe! My time now! I call all my friends and allies in Hollywood to stand with me against the evil that is George Lucas! Together we will -
Brian Williams [again, holding earpiece]: WHAT?!?!
Cameron: Hey, I'm talking over -
Brian Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been told that the aircraft have released the piece of the Titanic...directly over this building.
Cameron and Lando: WHAT?!?!
Brian Williams: Again, we're going to try and confirm this, but let me repeat what I just -
[The entire building shakes in an ungodly fashion. People behind the cameras fly everywhere, some landing on the newsdesk. ]
Brian Williams: Oh sweet Jesus! How I wanted to be the anchor of the NBC Nightly News! Dammit it all! DAMMIT IT ALL!
[Brian Williams shrieks one last time as a giant television screen falls on him, crushing him instantly]
Cameron: Lucas!! You'll pay for this! So help me God, you'll pay!!
[Cameron tries to get up and leave, but is hit upside the head by a chunk of the ceiling. The lighting system on the ceiling loosens and begins to fall]
Lando: Master, please! How could you have abandoned me like this?! How could you...GAH!!!!
[Lando yelps as the lighting system from above falls right on top of him, sending him to the floor. Finally the camera tilts, as does the room, and everyone in it flies around. The entire building, severely damaged by the impact of the Titanic chunk, loses its balance and the foundation gives away. The entire NBC Studios building falls to the ground below, flattening Rockefeller Plaza below. Hundreds of people try to dodge the falling debris; many without success. Cars driving near the area also try to dodge the chaos; those that aren't crushed and destroyed flip over curbs into storefronts and crowds of people running for their lives. Lucas sits upon Spielberg's couch, smiling. Spielberg is standing up, looking disbelievingly at the events unfolding before him on TV, and Vader is putting together a plate of potato chips and dip]
Spielberg: My...God. George...what have you done?
Lucas: Cameron would've done it eventually.
Spielberg: Yeah but...you just killed thousands of innocent people.
Lucas: Most of 'em probably deserved it.
Spielberg: That's true, but...the press will kill you.
Lucas: CBS and ABC'll be kissing my ass tomorrow morning, thanking me for . And for the rest...I'll just release a new version of the Episode 1 trailer. That'll make 'em forget. So...you in?
Spielberg: For what? You've destroyed Cameron. The game should be over.
Lucas: Oh heck no. This is just the beginning. True, my game with Cameron himself is over, but you heard him call me out. I intend to fight whatever and whoever gets together to put me down. My people anticipated his "empire" to strike back...
Vader: Good one, master!
Lucas: So they've been getting my allies together for one last fight. To ensure that one of our legacies is truly no more. So like I asked...you in?
[Spielberg looks at George for a moment, then picks up his cup of coffee and takes a swig]
Spielberg: Oh what the hell. Sure, let's get it on.
Vader: Woohoo!
Lucas: Trust me, Steve. You ain't seen nothing yet...

*to be concluded*