THE KEYS TO SUCCESS FOR AN IMPERIAL OFFICER
Written and submitted by Mars 3

1. Blame others. Always blame the other guy in the uniform...preferably your superiors, but not to their faces. This will divert punishment and perhaps lead to a quick promotion. Example: In the Empire Strikes Back there is a brilliant scene where our anti-hero Piett is promoted to Admiral. Piett at this time has his hands outside of camera view, however one can assume that he was pointing at Ozzel every time Vader said something. How clever.

2. Be overconfident. It is important to always be sure of yourself, your plans, your abilities, and your men no matter what. Otherwise you will realize that Stormtroopers can't hit the broad side of a dead Bantha, your Officers are only good at saying "We've lost them sir," and your ships, no matter how big and how well shielded, will find themselves susceptible to the tiniest rebel fighters.

3. Be Inept. Why? Because Admirals, Grand Moffs and Dark Lords of Sith often wind up dead. Aiming for that B+ rather than the A also means that your superiors will expect less out of you, and less you shall give. Remember phrases such as, "We've lost them sir." , "There is no sign of them Sir.", "Look there's one! Wait...never mind."

4. Direct your superiors into danger. Leading your superiors into dangerous situations is a sure way to get promoted. Just be sure you direct them from far away. Example: Lieutenant Over Radio "Umm...my scanners say there are no life forms in the cave sir." Captain nods and walks in, saying, "Good good...and...whats that...ahhhhhh!", Lieutenant smiles, "Oh no! Captain! My equipment must have been faulty...well... as your new Captain I'd just like to say..."

5. Surrender! Your Stormtroopers can't hit a thing so if you find that there are say...two rebels approaching and you're with ten stormtroopers. Surrender or you'll be a smoking heap. Only fight when you outnumber the Rebels thirty to one. And fight them from large capital ships, with a fighter screen, and small capital ships to draw fire. Cowardice? No, No, No, because like a good Imperial once you surrender you can just escape like all good villains.