THE STORY OF DARK JEDI PIETT
Written and submitted by Michael Bailes

"The old Jedi mind trick always works," said the newly-created Admiral Piett, as ex-Admiral Ozzel was dragged away. "Ah well, time to practice." Piett waved his hand, and 'SNAP!' went the rank insignia on the dead Admiral Ozzel. "Excellent," Piett muttered, "soon I will be Emperor instead of the Emperor!"

(Some days later)

"Bounty hunters! We don't need that scum!" exclaimed Piett feelingly. Bossk looked down at the Admiral and growled. Piett waved his finger at him, and Bossk spun around before falling into the crew pit, gurgling. "Eat that, you scum!" said Admiral Piett. Dengar, Fett, 4-LOM and Zuckuss all backed off slowly, before Bossk's corpse suddenly took off and flew towards them, knocking Boba Fett's helmet off. "Hey!" he shouted. Piett simply nodded his head, and Fett's helmet flew straight back at him, hitting him square on the chin and knocking him out cold. Piett looked around for the others, but they had all run away to their ships, sobbing.

(One year later, in orbit around Endor.)

The battle raged around the Executor as the Rebel fleet attacked the new Death Star. Piett found it amusing to watch the Rebels burn, even though they'd sometimes knock out a TIE or two. Suddenly, a bridge officer called, "We've lost the bridge deflectors!" "Intensify forward firepower," Piett yawned. Then the officer shouted, "It's too late!" Piett turned to the bridge window, and watched a damaged A-Wing hurtle towards him. He waved his hand, and the fighter exploded in space, raining small particles on to the bridge, which was quite able to stand up to the stress. "I don't think so," he said.

A controller called out, "The Death Star's shields are down!" "Really?" inquired the Admiral. "Yes sir, and Rebel fighters are attacking!" "Never mind," Piett said, "so what?" The Death Star suddenly exploded, taking the Emperor and Darth Vader with it. Piett sat up then. "Whoopee! I'm the Emperor! Deck officer! Break out the coffee!" "B-b-but why, sir?" the officer stammered. "Because I say so! I'm the Emperor!!" "So that's what you think!" "Yes I do!!" Piett shouted. The deck officer advanced towards him, drawing a blaster. Piett beckoned, and the blaster flew into his hands. "I'm the Emperor! Got that?" "Y-y-yes, sir!" "Good. We return to Coruscant immediately." "But sir, what about the Rebel fleet?" "Oh them," Piett said. "I'll deal with them now. Prepare my Missile Boat!!"

(Twenty minutes later. The Rebel fleet has been completely destroyed.)

"I'm back!!" Piett called. "Ah, sir..." the deck officer began. "That's Emperor to you, sonny Jim!" "Sorry, Emperor, did you destroy the Rebel fleet by yourself?" "Oh, not quite," Piett returned, "someone else killed an X-Wing before I could get to it! But never mind this trifling battle. Let's go to Coruscant!!"