CROSSOVER
Written and submitted by Padawan Kenobi

[INT. Main hanger bay in the Theed palace]

She looks to QUI-GON.

QUI-GON : I agree.

They start to head for the exit, on the way passing the fighter where ANAKIN is hiding. ARTOO whistles a greeting as ANAKIN peeps out of the cockpit.

ANAKIN: Hey! Wait for me.
QUI-GON : No, Annie, you stay there. Stay right where you are.
ANAKIN: But, I...
QUI-GON : Stay in that cockpit.

They head for the exit. As they are about to go through the door, suddenly everyone scatters, revealing DARTH MAUL standing in the doorway. CAPTAIN PANAKA, PADME, and HER TROOPS back away. QUI-GON and OBI-WAN step forward.

QUI-GON : (Cont'd) We'll handle thiiiiiiissss...
[A huge plot-hole opens and swallows the characters that were in the hanger bay at the time, including the ships and random junk lying around]

[INT. Tattione-Beggar's Canyon. Han and Luke are on a Holiday vacation, and are flying T-14's around, nearly running into the canyon walls.]
LUKE: (over comlink) Hey, Han. Who are those people?
HAN: (over comlink) I don't know. Let's find out.
[Both land, narrowly missing the cast of Episode one. They pop the hatches and hop out, Han landing on his butt.]
HAN: Ouch...
LUKE: (to Obi-wan) Hey, do I know you?
OBI-WAN: Erm, no. I’m Obi-wan Kenobi.
LUKE: (in shock) B-but y-you’re dead!
OBI-WAN: No, I’m not.
LUKE: Yes, you are. I saw you get your head chopped off by my father.
OBI-WAN: I’m not dead.
QUI-GON: (invoking Jedi mind trick #317) He’s not dead.
LUKE: Mind tricks don’t work on me. I’m the last Jedi Master.
DARTH MAUL: No you’re not. Qui-Gon’s a Jedi Master.
LUKE: …?!
QUI-GON: That’s right!
[Luke’s former apprentices appear out of a plot hole, dragging several members of the Jedi Council with them.]
KYP: Master! Look what we found!
TIONNE: More Jedi Masters to add to our collection!
VOICE: (from off-screen) Hey! I’m the only one allowed to use plot holes this early in the story! Leave the Jedi Masters there and get back to the academy like I told you to. And just for defying orders, I’m killing you all off in the stupidest possible way!
JAINA: But, Master!!!!!
VOICE: GO!
KNIGHTS: Ah, man…
[They drop the members of the council and go back into the plot hole.]
YODA: Ouch, my tooshie they hurt. In pain it is.
RANDOM IDIOT: HELP! LAWYERS HAVE INVADED MOS ESPA! [Runs around screaming]
DARTH MAUL: Lawyers?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Does the brave warrior’s maneuver called “While Panicking, Run and Hide Behind Your Master, Crying and Whimpering in Fear Like a Little 2 Year Old”] Save me, Master!!!! Save me!!
DARTH SIDIOUS: Get off me! *WHAP!*
DARTH MAUL: Thanks, I needed that.
LUKE: We don’t have time for this! We must defeat those lawyers! Master, if you could please open up a plot hole?
VOICE: [sighs] Is it essential to the plot?
HAN: Of course, master! We have to defeat those evil lawyers before they take over the New Republic!
VOICE: (slightly annoyed) Oh fine! But this is the only plot contrivance you get! [Plot hole opens with a boingy-oingy-ingy™] Get going so I can go back to sleep.
[All enter through the plot hole and disappear]

[INT. Mos Espa. People are running around like crazy. A small group of soldiers are engaged in a battle of wits with the lawyers. The leader of the winning group is Admiral Piett. The winner of the losing group, is a random lawyer named Bob.]
BOB: Well… um… you’re mama’s so fat, that when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
PIETT: That’s it! I refuse to continue to engage in a battle of wits with someone who is poorly armed as you!!! [Piett’s group walks away, several of the members resemble somebody from Avalanche.]
HAN: Piett! Help us defeat these evil lawyers!
QUI-GON: I’ve got a better idea!
MACE: What?
QUI-GON: Let’s go out into the desert and battle the Sith Lords. Maybe then a plot hole will open and the lawyers will fall through into one of Sean Walsh’s stories!
PIETT: That’s a great idea! Quick let’s go! [They all disappear into the same plot hole the others came from]

[INT. The Jedi Academy on Yavin IV. The Jedi Knights are playing Sabacc.]
KYP: Hah! Idiot’s array!
DORSK 81: Gosh darn it!
[Suddenly…]
[A plot hole opens and Ewoks come out. They beat the Knights to death.]

[INT. The desert. The Sith team isn’t doing so well, considering it’s two Sith Lords against 14 Jedi.]
DARTH MAUL: I surrender!
DARTH SIDIOUS: Me too!
VOICE: Just a minute! Did I say you could surrender?
DARTH MAUL: …
DARTH SIDIOUS: …
VOICE: Well… Answer me! The defeat of those lawyers depends on your death.
JAR JAR: Exsqueeze me! But a…isn’t there a better way to defeat da lawyers?
VOICE: Well… maybe. Use the plot holes in this story to create a vortex. Suck them in, and then destroy the plot hole.
LUKE: How do we do that?
VOICE: Just because I’m writing this stupid story doesn’t mean I have a single idea how do it. You guys think for yourselves for once- I’m outta here.
[The writer disappears]
HAN: Great, they abandoned us.
QUI-GON: Now what are we supposed to do?
OBI-WAN: Erm, well, now that the plot hole queen is gone, we can open a plot hole and get rid of the lawyers once and for all.
MACE: Gee, that’s a great idea! But, uh… how do we open the plot hole.
PIETT: It’s easy, watch!
[Everybody watches as PIETT opens a plot hole and sucks all the lawyers in]
YODA: Now destroy it, we must!
DARTH MAUL: How?
OTHERS: Yeah, how?
LUKE: What, you guys think we’re Indians or something?
OTHERS: No.
LUKE: Then don’t say that!
HAN: Say what?
LUKE: ‘How’.
OTHERS: WE’RE NOT INDIANS!
LUKE: ARHG!
[Luke jumps off a cliff]
QUI-GON: Maybe we should attack it with squeaky mallets?
[Squeaky mallets appear in everyone’s hands]
PIETT: CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[They all attack the plot hole and it disappears, for good.]
QUI-GON: Well, that was interesting.

THE END…
Or is it?